bigtips
August 15,
I go to women professionals, but one has become male
by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone
Why is it that a particular pair of shoes can have such a hypnotic hold on my attentions? I'm not talking about gazing longingly through a shoe store window at some sassy little pair. I don't care that much about shoes, and rarely buy them, and that's the crux of this whole mysterious situation.
Somehow or another, one pair of shoes (perhaps mine, perhaps my girl's) becomes The Pair I Wear. And I wear them, to work, to walk, to go out, to garden. Nothing else feels like them, and even if I pause at the shoe pile every morning to mull over the choices, that's the pair that gets to go out for the day. And after a month or two of such devout selection, they start to look and feel a little scruffy. Then they start to look pretty darn bad.
But my devotion doesn't fade. In fact, I start to feel melancholy for their incipient demise, and continue to wear them well past the point where many normal people would no longer consider them viable.
While I may consider this just one of my madcap quirks, it kills my girlfriend. So last week when I was looking for my going pair, they were nowhere to be found. That seemed odd, but I'd find them later, and I chose another, albeit substandard, set of shoes. The next day they were still missing, and I just threw on the pair I'd worn the day before.
That went on all week. Then last night, as we were about to fall asleep, my sweetie turned to me and said sheepishly, "I hid those shoes." Hey! But that's okay, because this past week's pair probably has a good month in them.
Dear Tip,
I have a question about how I spend my money. Even before I came out as a lesbian a few years ago, I'd been careful to use women to provide as many services as possible. I have a woman dentist, and of course a woman doctor and therapist. When I need electrical work done, or when I had some shelves made, I've paid women to do it.
Besides the fact that I just like being around women and trust them more than men, I think it's important to take care of your own, and I like the idea of women's money going back to
women.
when you're spending your money consciously, you're doing so because you want it to go to the people you choose. In this case, maybe the individual person
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So, the problem is, I had a great lesbian lawyer who I used for a will and some other contractual work, and I want to use her again, but I can't use her again, because she's not a she anymore. I've really enjoyed working with him, and I trust his work, but I feel conflicted about giving a man my money.
Dear Daddy Queerbucks,
Dyke Dollars
First of all, good for you for thinking about where your money goes. How we spend our money probably ends up having a more concrete impact on our lives than voting. So,
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you choose can be a newly-minted man. He established his practice as a woman, so you can't say he benefited from male privilege there. And being transgender, particularly if one is out about it, or it's physically noticeable, may not be the most culturally or economically empowered place to be coming from. So he may be A
man, but he's not The Man, if you get my drift.
P.S. Being rigid about who you associate with will eventually get confusing and difficult.
If you have the energy to be a vigilant consumer, you might try to broaden your criteria to "people you trust and want to support, who would do the same for you."
Dear M.T.,
I have a new job that I really like, and I feel like I'm good at it. I share an office with another guy who was hired at the same time, and he's a nice straight guy. It's no issue in the company that I'm gay.
I'm starting to feel a little bit strange, though, because I think they treat him a little better than they treat me, because he's much
more physically attractive than I am. I have pretty good self-esteem, and usually don't care that I'm a shortish guy whose eyes cross a little. I have a great partner and lot of friends, so who cares? And it's not news to me that I get treated differently from very handsome men, but once again, who cares?
But now, the fact that my looks may have an effect on my living seems cruel and unfair. I don't feel like there's anyway to deal with this at work, either, without looking paranoid or small. Nothing has happened yet, but I just get the feeling that the bosses like him more, even though we do very similar work. What can I do?
Fall Guy, 'Cause I'm a Small Guy
Dear Short Cake,
It sounds like you may have a little newjob paranoia. Of course, it's just an unpleasant truth that handsome people can have a smoother ride when it comes to hiring and job promotions, but that doesn't mean that you can't be an incredibly appealing and promotable employee.
Pour it on, but don't be desperate. You know you can do a great job. Work hard, make a lot of friends in the company, any keep any mean opinions to yourself. They'll see the charming, invaluable employee that we know you are. Good luck, sweetie.
Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.
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